Mountain

This morning I had a date with Wanda to see how my body is progressing for my FET. I can’t believe we are 10 days out! I’m so nervous and excited for it to be here! It’s crazy to think it has been a full year to get to this point again. Gosh, it’s exhausting. The other day I literally had to fill in my gray hairs with MASCARA. Thank goodness I had a hair appointment the following day, but i’m pretty sure if I didn’t color my hair I would be like 99% gray. Infertility is aging me! πŸ™‚

Today when they checked my endometrium lining it was already at an 11.5, which is great news! It is supposed to be over 10, so I guess the medicine is working exactly like it needs to be. The lining has to be a certain thickness for the babies to implant so the thickness is an important part!

We are trying to mock my ERA biopsy as much as we can to get the same results so we upped my estrogen to 4 times a day. So now I’m taking it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and bedtime! Thursday is going to be my last ultrasound before our TRANSFER! And then on Friday I start my progesterone shots, Medrol, and Doxycycline. We are almost to the FINISH LINE!!!

It’s so exciting because I feel like with this FET we have answers. We know that based off the ERA biopsy my body needs 1 extra day of progesterone. So instead of taking 5 days of progesterone before the transfer I’m taking 6. But for some reason, there seems to be so much more pressure this time around. I feel like it’s because I’m tired. I’m tired of having to spend the money, I’m tired of taking the shots, I’m tired mentally, I’m emotionally tired and I’m tired of constantly hearing no. Infertility is exhausting for so many reasons, but I think the biggest reasons is having to hear “No” so many times. A person can only take so much. So I think what is holding me back the most is fear of hearing “No” again. And because of that fear I can feel myself trying to guard my heart. And I don’t want to do that! I want to go into this believing that it will work.

But then I realize this is where Trust comes in. If I could control this situation myself, I wouldn’t need God. I wouldn’t have to rely on him.

Proverbs 62:5-8 says,Β Let all that I am wait quietly before God,Β for my hope is in him.Β He alone is my rock and my salvation,Β my fortress where I will not be shaken.Β My victory and honor come from God alone.Β He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.Β O my people, trust in him at all times.Β Pour out your heart to him,Β for God is our refuge.Β 

When I read that scripture I realize I’m not made to carry these burdens myself. I physically and emotionally can’t! But my Heavenly Father can carry these burdens for me. So my prayer for myself and anyone else that feels like they are sinking from all lives burdens, is to hand it over to God. Don’t miss what could be an exciting time in your life because you’re trying to protect yourself and control the situation.

For myself, I need to realize what an incredible place Gannon and I are in. By the grace of God, we have been able to endure 3 years of infertility, two rounds of IVF and now we get to experience our second embryo transfer. Without God, none of that would have been possible. So instead of trying to manipulate the circumstances to get the results I want, I’m going to take a deep breath and enjoy this time, because God is in control of my life. Not me! And I know that God’s plans are always better than my own!

In every season
You are worthy
In every moment
You’re wonderful…

Here’s one of my favorite songs right now!

Hope everyone has a Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Xo,

Momma Brown πŸ™‚


2 thoughts on “Mountain

  1. I’m so profoundly moved by your consistent optimism. I’ve followed your blog since I was embarking on IVF for my now 7 month old daughter and I can’t imagine the things you feel as you continue to try. You’re inspiring.

    1. Aw, thank you so much!! Gosh it has been a long journey, but I just have to keep believing that God is working on our story and we will get our miracle soon!! How exciting to see that you guys got your miracle! It gives me faith that this process works!! πŸ™‚

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