3 Years – 36 Months – 1,095 Days, 26,280 Hours – 1,576,800 Minutes – 94,608,000 Seconds…
That is how long my heart has aching to become a mother. I wish I could say these past 3 years have flown by or been easy but they haven’t. There are so many days I feel like we are caught in this storm and we will never see the sun. That maybe God isn’t hearing our prayers or the he has forgotten the desires of my heart. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being punished for the poor decisions I made in the past or that maybe I’m just inadequate to be a mother.
But after thinking all those terrible thoughts, I begin to feel His presence and realize God has Gannon and I exactly where he want us. He knew before we met, got married, and started trying for children that this would be our story. And it gives me comfort to know that he already knows what our future is going to be.
God knows when our sun will shine and I bet he is anxiously awaiting for that part of story to play out. He knows our next steps before we even realize we have to take them. He knows how many children we will have, what we are going to name them, what they will look like. He knows it all. And I find comfort in knowing that when I’m sad, he is sad with me. Because it’s easy to forget God is our Father. All the desires I’m feeling are the same desires he has for me as his own child. And I have to find rest knowing he is working behind the scenes to create our perfect story.
1 John 3:1 says, “See what great love the Father has for us that He would call us His children. And that is what we are.”
During our wait, I feel like God is taking this time to mold and shape Gannon and I as individuals, in our marriage and as future parents.
When I think back to 3 years ago I hardly recognize the woman I am today. I am stronger, more sensitive, compassionate, and smarter (because lets be honest infertility treatments teach you a lot). I’m able to love deeper and fight harder than I ever imagined. I’m able to connect with people more who are on similar paths and share our story with others. During our wait, God opened up the doors for me to start our infertility group. And through that group I’ve met some amazing women.
So to all the families who are waiting. Keep trusting that our Father is working on your story. The days or years might seem long because lets be honest each day that passes feels like an eternity. But keep trusting that once we are holding our miracles in our arms it will be worth it. Don’t stop fighting for your family. Don’t give up! This might be the biggest test of our entire lives, but I can promise it will be the most gratifying. Keep praying and believing and when our time finally comes I want to be right next to you celebrating.
I know many of you guys will be celebrating with us when our time finally comes and that brings my heart so much joy!
It might seem funny to have an “anniversary” of how long we’ve been trying. But it reminds me that each day that passes just means we are one step closer to our family. Wherever you are in your journey know that I am praying for you!
Thank you so much for loving and praying for us these past 3 years. There truly aren’t enough words to say how much we appreciate you guys!
P.S. 79 days until our transfer!!!
I’ve shared this song several times but it truly is one of my favorites. And the lyrics are so perfect for today!
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
Hope you have a blessed week!
Momma Brown 🙂