God With Us

This past weekend Gannon and I got to sneak away to Santa Fe for a wedding that he was in! It was SO nice to be able to let loose with our friends and take our minds off all these crazy decisions we have to make!

Here is a picture of us…Gannon looks so handsome in a Tuxedo!

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When we got home I called Dr B’s office to let them know we want to move forward with the Endometrial Receptivity Array (ERA) testing. I was surprised to find out we will basically be starting everything up immediately. It’s weird to see this timeline because these are the exact steps we take for a normal FET except this time we are doing 2 more days of progesterone to see which day my endometrium lining is more receptive. My super impatient self so wishes this was our actual FET but I know our patience will pay off. And at this point, it can’t hurt us to see if ERA is something we need to do for our actual frozen transfer.

Here is the timeline for our ERA :

October 27 – I go in for bloodwork and an ultrasound to see how well my body has suppressed from our retrieval. It’s crazy to think tomorrow will be a month since our retrieval.

October 28 – I will start Estrace (Estrogen pills) 1 mg twice a day. And continue my birth control pills.

November 1 – I will take my last birth control pill.

November 10 – I increase my Estrace to 2 mg twice a day.

November 14 – I will go in for bloodwork and an ultrasound to see how my body is responding to the medicine. And I will increase my Estrace to 2 mg three times a day.

November 17 – I go in for an ultrasound and bloodwork.

November 21 – I have another ultrasound and bloodwork.

November 24 – I will continue my Estrace but this day I officially start my progesterone shot. And I will also begin Medrol and Doxycycline.

November 29 – I will have my first Biopsy to see if my endometrium is receptive this day. And I continue my Progesterone.

December 1 – I will have my second Biopsy.

It will take around 3 weeks to get the results so during that time I will start birth control backup to help suppress my body again and to prepare it for our actual FET.

Since we are starting this up so quickly we found our we will get to have our actual FET in February. Which is so surreal because last February we had our first transfer. And as you all know, we found out in March that we lost those two miracles. If those two miracles weren’t in Heaven we would be having them this November, which is so incredibly hard to think about all that has happened since then. When we did our transfer last February I never imagine a year later we would be doing our second one. But I have to trust that this is just part of God’s plan. And I will rest knowing that our two babies are up in heaven right now snuggled up with all the other babies waiting on their parents.

Another surreal thing to think about is that if we do our transfer in February, next November we could be holding one of our frozen miracles from our second round of IVF. And thinking about that just brings reassurance that we have a good, good father.

With all that said, these past few weeks have been more emotionally draining than I could have ever imagined. I didn’t realize how much pressure I put on myself this second time around. I feel like up to this point, I’ve been emotionally strong. But now I find myself crying over EVERYTHING! Which I have to keep telling myself is totally ok. Infertility is SO hard. And for a long time I put my head down and went through the motions of it all. But with December just around the corner, it’s becoming more real that we’ve been trying for 3 years.  And those 3 years have been some of the most difficult, emotionally draining, painful, heartbreaking 3 years of my entire life. But as hard as they have been I have to keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. So I will keep believing this will be worth it. Although this November I won’t get to meet our little babies up in heaven, next November I might get to meet their brother or sister.

Guys, we just need prayer! I specifically need prayer for strength to get through this testing. This momma is tired. So incredibly tired of needles, medicine, hormones, ultrasounds, bloodwork, just all of it! So please be praying that God would give us the strength to get through this next step. And more importantly, that this test would not be for nothing. Pray that through this test we will find out I do need an extra day of progesterone. So that it could give us some peace as to why our first little miracles didn’t stick.

I listened to this whole album on repeat while we were flying this weekend with tears streaming down my face the whole time. I’m not ashamed to cry on a plane…ok maybe I am so I tried to act like I was sleeping! But I heard this song and it was SO beautiful so I wanted to share it with you all! My favorite part of the song is where it says, “Where there was death, you brought life, Lord. Where there was fear, you brought courage. When I was afraid, you were with me and your lifting me up, your lifting me up.”  Be sure and listen to the whole song because at the end he talks about what the song is about.

Hope you all have a blessed week!!

Xo,

Momma Brown!


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