The final step of this chapter

malachi 3-10

The final step of this chapter.

Today I finally got the nerve to call and pay the balance we owed at the hospital for our transfer. We thought we had paid for everything up front, but didn’t realize since we had a frozen transfer we were going to have to pay an additional $3,000. I’ll never forget it was the day before our transfer, Gannon and I were headed to have lunch and I had missed a call from MK. She left a message telling me all the details about the transfer and said, “ok honey just be sure to bring the $3,000 for the transfer and you are good to go.” We both listened to the message over the car speakers and when we heard that we literally sat there in silence for the next 10 minutes. I think it was in that moment that it finally hit us how much money IVF really cost. You spend a few thousand on meds, a few thousand on the doctor, a few thousand here and there. But the day before the transfer I just had never considered having to spend any more money! I just think the weight of it all was really starting to hit us!

At lunch, Gannon and I said a prayer asking God to somehow make that payment be wrong. That by some miracle when we got to the office the next day we would find out MK had messed up and forgot we had already paid for everything in full. The day of the transfer I checked in and the lady at the front desk said, “well I’m just showing you only owe the $500 to the doctor for the transfer, everything else looks like it has been paid for up front.”  I thought wow God really answered this prayer!

After the transfer, I didn’t think anything about it until about a week after we found out we weren’t pregnant and we got the final bill in the mail. I brought it to my office intending to pay for it, but for some reason, I just never took the time to do it. It’s weird but by paying that final balance I feel like it officially closes that chapter of our lives. Like these last few months of this whole IVF cycle has finally come to an end and we can move on. But with that “moving on” step came more emotions than I realized. I literally wanted to cry to the lady on the phone and be like do I really have to pay this balance since it didn’t work! It’s not the money I’m sad about it’s just the whole thing! It felt like a cruel  joke that they would send it to us when they did!

With that said, I know there will be moments like this. And I totally realize it’s just part of our journey. No one ever said this was going to be easy. And right now I’m realizing this part in our journey might be one of the hardest. But in the sad and happy times, I am so thankful we have a God that will always be there to guide us. And with any sad, heartbreaking time my hope is that we can gain more strength, peace, and grace. Because we do not want this all to be for nothing.

While Gannon and I have been working on our house we finally started to discuss adoption. There’s something really special about being upstairs working in our future children’s rooms and discussing our hopes and dreams for our future Baby Browns. We’ve learned just like we did when we first started to explore IVF there are SO many things to know. We have A LOT of research to do. So if you guys can just be praying for us to have the right doors open. And for us keep looking to God for direction in all of this. We know the only way we will ever have a family is through him and we never want to not honor him with any of these decisions. .

 Seriously, we love you guys. Thank you SO much for being our prayer warriors through this crazy adventure we call life! If you have any adoption advice you would like to share please don’t hesitate! Hope you all have a fabulous weekend 🙂

Xo,

Momma Brown


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