Expect the Unexpected

Ever since I was a very little girl I knew I wanted to be a mama. I mean I know some little girls play house but I am telling you i’ve just had a passion for squishy little babies. It was bad enough that when people would ask me what I wanted to do someday I would say “Be a mom.” I knew that’s what I was born to do.

So naturally after about two and a half years of marriage Gannon and I decided to finally fulfill one of my biggest dreams and we made the decisions to become “available” as my mother in love always said! One month passed..two..and by the third month I started only having a period every other month. The first month I basically had convinced myself I was pregnant. I mean how could I not be?! I missed a period and had some of the symptoms but day after day I kept getting negative tests. I finally ended up going to the doctor to get my blood taken because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I HAD to know!Β  Of course the good ole’ labs make you wait 24 hours to get your results. Lets just say that was a sleepless night!Β  After finally receiving the news that I was not in fact not pregnant I was heart broken. The weird thing is up until I got off the pill I had regular cycles. They were always within a day or two of each other and I never went a whole month without a period. But after 2 months of being off the pill my cycle started to act weird. I would average about every other month and when I did have a period my doctor wasn’t sure if i was even ovulating.

In May my doctor decided to give me a round of clomid and see if that could help jump start my period but unfortunately that didn’t really do anything except give me hot flashes! Oh the wonders of being a woman πŸ™‚ I went into my OBGYN for my annual a month later and got to talking to her about what my next step would be. She said that if i wanted I could take one more round ofΒ  clomid otherwise my only other option would be to see a fertility specialist. First off, to all the women who are trying to conceive FERTILITY DOCTOR is probably one of the most terrifying words you could ever hear. I was first resist but after talking to the hubs we decided I would at least call and see how long it would take us to get in. To my surprise they were able to get us in within 3 weeks so we set a date and tried to forget about the appointment until it came.

Fast forward to yesterday…”fertility doctor day.” I went in knowing that we serve an awesome God. I know he knows the desires of my heart and that he is the one who put them there in the first place. So we went in trusting that no matter what news we heard today that ultimately God is in control.Β  I’m not sure if you all know the story about my parents but my mom was not suppose to be able to have children. When she was 14 she was diagnosed with endometriosis and the doctors said that there was a good chance children would not be in her future. My dad knowing the news married my mom anyway because of course he loved her but he knew that nothing was too big for God. Fast forward almost 30 years and my parents obviously ended up having 2 children. I mean can we talk about how BIG our God is?! So with that said going in I was anxious to hear if I possibly had endometriosis too because unfortunately is it hereditary. After having a conversation with the doctor and him looking over some labs that my OB had taken before I got there he was pretty sure that I not only have endometriosis but also Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). Lucky for me we got to have an ultrasound…and by ultrasound I mean a vaginal ultrasound which is just what every girl wants to hear..not! Within minutes of him doing the ultrasound I saw the cysts all over my ovaries. Of course my first question was how quickly can we get this fixed??Β  If only that would be the only news we had to hear.

The next step was to look at my uterus to see if everything looked alright there. Immediately after looking at my uterus the doctor noticed that I had a Subseptate uterus. Which basically means that most peoples uterus is straight across mine dips down into the shape of a heart. And not just that obviously every one’s uterus is different but the average “dip” in the uterus can be around 4-5 cm, mine was closer to 15 cm!Β  Of course when I heard that I was in total shock. I really thought going into this appointment we would just hear well everything looks normal you all just need to keep trying a little longer! But instead of hearing that we heard that the only way to fix my uterus would be surgery. And that while I am in this waiting period before my surgery I have to get back on birth control! Not what I expected to hear when visiting a fertility specialist. They said that because of the way my uterus formed while I was in my mothers womb that it would never be strong enough to handle a baby in the state that is is in now. And if I were to get pregnant it would only be a matter of time until I miscarried. They also informed me that when I do get pregnant I will not be able to have my baby naturally and the only way will be for me to have a C-Section because my uterus will never be strong enough to endure labor.

And to make matters even more exciting I most likely have endometriosis. Unfortunately with endometriosis the only way to really see how intense the problem is surgically. The good news is that he can do both of them at the same time. So it looks like Aug 15 I will be undergoing my first and hopefully last surgery for a very long time. Throughout all this I truly have faith that God will give us a baby. I know women everyday hear really discouraging news involving complications withΒ  infertility so if anything through this I hope I can be a light to someone else.

To lighten the mood a little bit here are a couple pictures from today.

photo 2

Oh the lovely ultrasound machine.

photo 1

And the lovely birth control pills…I didn’t think I would be seeing these anytime soon!

photo-25

One final thing. Music is kind of my way of listening and understanding God’s will in my life. It has helped me throughout some of the toughest times. During this whole situation I can’t help but think ofΒ  “Oceans”Β  by Hillsong United. The words could not be more perfect for us right now.Β  I trust that God is only allowing Gannon and I be in this “storm” so that we can cling to him more now so that we realize we can not do this alone. There is a purpose in our storm. And I know with every ounce in my being that God will get us though this one. A few weeks ago at LifeChurch.tv Sam Roberts preached the series Puzzled. And little did I know that God was using that sermon to prepare my heart for the news Gannon and I would hear only a couple weeks later. God has a purpose in everything he does. As Sam Roberts said during that sermon, “Jesus calmed the storm in my soul before he calmed the storm in my circumstances.” So todayΒ  I am confident knowing that I am in the arms of God’s and he will work out these circumstances.

Here is an link to the song!

 

“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will standAnd I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mineYour grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start nowSo I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Psalm 37:4 – Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

XOXO,

Kate πŸ™‚

 

 


6 thoughts on “Expect the Unexpected

  1. Oh, beautiful little Kate!!! I am so sorry you are having so much trouble. Be strong and keep trusting our God…He will see you guys through this. We want there to be another little Kate (or Gannon) to love just like we love you guys. Hang in there.

  2. Praying for God to wash over you with peace, patience, strength and courage…….in His timing! Blessings to you Kate and Gannon!

  3. I love reading the story. I have heard you telling it but its better to read thru. Its great having daughters, and so wonderful to watch you both growing and maturing. I so look forward to see what God has planned for you and Gannon. All I know is it will be AWESOME!! I love you!! Dad

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